From Graceland to the North Pole/From the North Pole to Graceland

“If life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators dead.”
–Johnny Carson

For some children, one of the most scary experiences is being forced to sit on the lap of one of Santa’s helpers down at the local shopping mall. Proud parents then pay a premium price for a cheap photo of their terrified young one trying to squirm away from the clutches of the Kris Kringle impersonator.

Not to be outdone by the mall Santas, my apparently twisted buddy Phil Arnold over at ElvisBlog has come up with an even more horrifying alternative. Something that would make even grown men run away in fear: Replacing mall Santas with Elvis impersonators. Check his idea out here.

Phil is a politically correct sort of guy who never wants to offend anyone. He calls these Elvis-wanna-be’s-but-never-will-be’s “Elvis Tribute Artists,” or ETAs for short.

Here on The Film Frontier, I am going to call them Elvis Impersonator Losers, or EILs for short.

Like the real Kris Kringle, the real Elvis Presley is often imitated but never duplicated. EILs should go to clown college instead, for EILs have little or nothing to do with Elvis.

Forget paying money to have your photo taken with an EIL. I have an even better idea. Raise money for charity by inviting your friendly, neighborhood EIL to hang out inside a dunking booth for a day. I would pay real money to see that.