Bring Me The Head Of Joe Cool

A few weeks ago, what was apparently a very loud crash woke my wife. Though normally a light sleeper, I slept right through it rather than jumping into action. I finally woke up, somewhat groggy, as she started looking around to investigate. Under normal circumstances, this is usually my job but I would’ve been too tired to offer much resistance to any would-be intruders. Fortunately, there weren’t any.

After not finding anything downstairs, she came up here to our office and found that my wooden shelf full of Snoopy figurines had partially detached from the wall and all of its items had fallen. This is by no means an indictment of the shelf itself, as it is of sturdy construction. The only problem with the shelf was that a mechanical idiot attached it to the wall. Namely me.

Somehow, all of the Snoopy figurines, which are quite breakable, came through unscathed despite the six foot drop. All except one. My figure of Joe Cool riding a motorcycle was beheaded. As you can see here, his head was severed clean off.

The headless rider
That night, my wife searched in vain for Joe Cool’s head so that our dog would not find it first. No luck. I was too tired to even climb the stairs, much less help look so we decided to try again in the morning.

The next day, I surveyed the damage. I found a lone beagle ear, but not the rest of Joe Cool’s head. Though I do not keep our office nearly as tidy as I would like, the area beneath the shelf is really not that cluttered. I checked the whole area, including behind the desk, and nothing.

I even checked all the way across the room, in case the head had been violently thrown there by whatever impact had taken it off in the first place. I also let the dog into the room to take a shot at finding it. She always finds everything that is out of place. Still nothing.

Joe Cool on motorcycleNow, weeks later, despite much effort, we still have not found it. Remember “Little Girl Lost”, that Twilight Zone episode where a girl falls off her bed and vanishes into another dimension? I have a feeling that is where Joe Cool’s head has gone, too. Unfortunately, I do not have a physicist friend to call to find Joe Cool’s head for me. My wife did the next best thing, though, and bought me a new one.

As for the case of the missing head, we’ll file it under “U” for “Unexplained” in…The Film Frontier.